Say What You Mean
by Kiva
Summary: ~"Have you ever noticed how most people never say what they mean?"-- "All the time." ~~ Post 'Do Not Go Gently' ...closure for Nick with some angst. Early season 1 Polt fic. Please read/review. Thanks :)


Disclaimer; The characters of Poltergeist; The Legacy are not mine, nor do I lay any type of claim on them.  
  
Authors Notes; This just popped outta no where.....but I hope people enjoy. And please, let me know what you think. The dialogue at the beginning of the story is not an exact quote from the episode....just to the best of my memory. Thank you.  
  
Timeline; Takes place after 'Do Not Go Gently,' and before 'The Crystal Scarab.'  
  
Spoilers; 'Pilot', 'Do Not Go Gently' and 'The Crystal Scarab'.......I think that's all of them.  
  
~~ "Have you ever noticed how most people never say what they mean?"  
  
"All the time." ~~~~  
  
  
  
*****  
  
Biting back a laugh, Rachel Corrigan entered the San Francisco Legacy house.  
  
"Nick, c'mon.....you can't be serious."  
  
Trailing behind the psychiatrist as she put down her briefcase, Nick Boyle grinned. "Yes, I am. Completely serious in fact."  
  
As he closed the door behind them, Nick regarded his friend, gauging the effects his outragous comments had made on her. The humour that was dancing in her dark eyes was a drastic change from the sadness he had seen reflected there as he came back from his morning run, and he was glad to know he'd made the right choice about distracting her from her troubles with a few tall tales from his days in the S.E.A.Ls. Though now she was staring at him with a mixture of disbelief and amusement.  
  
"Nick.....*no one* could do that with a chicken." She knew he was pulling her leg.  
  
"I'm tellin' ya Rach'," he replied, biting his lower lip as he tried to keep the telling grin from his face. "He could and he did."  
  
"'He could and he did,' what?" came a voice from the stairs. The two Legacy members turned in that direction, seeing their Precept, Derek Rayne there, a bemused smile on his face.  
  
"You *don't* want to know," Rachel answered firmly before the ex S.E.A.L could, shaking her head at Nick.  
  
"Very well," Derek said slowly, knowing exactly what type of comments or jokes his youngest associate was prone to coming out with, especially if he felt the mood needed to be lifted. And he'd noticed the weight of the Legacy seemed to be bearing down on Rachel a little lately. Nick had obviously noticed it too.  
  
"Hey, Derek," Nick suddenly said, wiping his forehead with the towel draped around his neck. "Any word from Alex?"  
  
The corner of Derek's mouth curled up, his version of a pleased smile. "Yes. She just phoned to say she's on a flight home. We still have no idea what happened in Paris, but....at least Alex is safe."  
  
Nick gave into the grin, relieved to hear that his friend was okay. Though he knew he would feel better when she was back at the house.  
  
"That reminds me," Derek continued. "You had a call while you were out on your run. Liz Barrow. I told her where you were, and that you'd call her back when you could."  
  
At this news, a look stole over his friends youthful features. One Derek had come to recognise as Nick's, 'I don't know quite how to feel about that' look. One that signified indecision. And not an expression he saw there often.  
  
Aware that his Precept was waiting for an answer, and that Rachel was probably evaluating him and his emotional state, Nick pasted a smile on his face. "Thanks....I'll get back to her after I've had my shower. Speaking of...."  
  
He trailed off, looking down at his sweat soaked clothes and then motioning to the stairs. "I'd better get on it." He strode forward, making his escape past his Precept, and jogging up the stairs as fast as he could.  
  
Derek looked at Rachel, who seemed to be straining forward as well, her eyes on Nick's retreating form. "Rachel," he warned.  
  
"Derek, c'mon," she said, finally turning to him. "He needs someone to talk to."  
  
"Rachel, that isn't the way Nick does things.....you should know that by now."  
  
She heaved a sigh, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I know that, Derek. But I specialise in mental, and in most cases emotional, health. It does him no good to bottle things up like that."  
  
"But that is the way he is. And you won't change it. But you may alienate him, if you persist."  
  
Rachel nodded, holding one hand up in supplication. "I know. But, that doesn't stop me from trying to help a friend."  
  
It was Derek's turn to nod. "You're right, of course. It doesn't. But, I have known Nick for longer than you. Trust me when I say that it would be best for you to wait for him to approach you.....not the other way around. Nick does not discuss his feelings often, but you will have a greater chance of success if he does not feel pressured in any way."  
  
Rachel gave in with a grudging smile. The truth was, as well as she had gotten to know these people in the short time she had known them,and as well as she trusted her own instincts, Derek had known them longer, and knew them better than she. So, Rachel decided it might be best to take her cues from him.....for now.  
  
"I can see why they made you a Precept," she said, allowing her arms to drop to her sides.  
  
Derek returned the smile. "Well, that, and I know how to make the best use of the budget," he joked.  
  
Rachel gave a small chuckle, before taking off her coat and hanging it, then retrieving her briefcase. "Well," she breathed. "Do we have any amazingly weird goings on to investigate today?"  
  
"No," Derek replied, his smiling getting wider. "I myself received a phone call, though."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, an old friend of mine, Clayton Wallace. We haven't seen each other in some time, and it was nice to hear from him again."  
  
"Did he have any particular reason for calling?" Rachel asked.  
  
Derek shook his head. "He didn't mention any. But, he and his daughter, Samantha, are in town for a while. I hope we can catch up.....I'd imagine that Samantha is all grown up by now."  
  
Rachel grinned. "Hmm, is this a case of 'Uncle Derek' being wrapped around Samantha's little finger?"  
  
Derek mock-frowned, making his voice sound as stern as possible. "Of course not. I'll have you know, I've faced down hell beasts without so much as a flinch. I've even spoken with Alex, before her morning coffee. No mere child -- grown up now or not -- could ever manipulate me."  
  
Rachel's eyebrows raised. "Need I remind you of another young child.....oh, about so high," she said, and indicated a young child's height with her hand. "Big blue eyes, the ability to pout on command....."  
  
Derek's stern facade finally broke. "Kat doesn't count." At Rachel's laugh, the smile appeared again on his face. "Clayton is a good man.....he lost his wife a while ago, and apparently, Samantha has been a little sickly of late, but.....I really hope we can get together. Provided no minions of hell interfere, that is."  
  
Rachel rolled her eyes. "We can only hope."  
  
*****  
  
Towelling off his wet hair as he re-entered his room, Nick Boyle sighed. His eyes had once more settled on the phone that was sitting on his bedside table, as if drawn there by a magnet. Draping the towel over the back of a near-by chair, it occurred to him what Rachel would think, if she could see him standing there, staring at the thing like it was a live snake. 'You have to confront things, Nick......can't keep it bottled up, Nick.'  
  
Standard psychiatrist speech. But what Rachel failed to realise, was that this system had worked for him for as long as he could remember. Granted, he was probably not in the best emotional state possible because of it. He had nightmares, but that was just what any other person who had suffered tragedy or loss in their life went through. And maybe he couldn't just come out and start spouting off about ' I feel this,' and 'I feel that.' But he dealt with stuff, despite what Rachel thought. He did!  
  
And as he gave up staring at the phone, he smirked at his own false reassurances. Because in the psychiatrist's favour, he realised that this was one of those situations that had come from the tendencies that she had warned him of.....this was one issue that he had 'dealt with,' that was now rearing up it's ugly head to bite him on the ass.  
  
Liz Barrow.......to be truthful, until Derek had told him of the phone call he had received, he hadn't thought of her too much......had tried not too, anyway. Their relationship, their break up.....it was all too complex and emotional for him. But he did know that he cared for her.....and he was truly happy that she had found love with Kevin.  
  
And he was relieved that there would be no lasting effects from her brushes with 'The Hungry One,' and Dr. Slade. No lasting physical effects, anyway. Some scars went deeper, and as Rachel would no doubt be fascinated to know, he could attest to that as well as anyone. The ones that remained from his father had tainted and soured his relationship with Liz, as they did with a lot of things in his life. And he could get past them....he knew he could. But he had to take the first step, in this case at least.  
  
Striding forward decisively, he picked up the phone receiver, dialing the hospital that Liz was staying in a few more days for observation. After giving the receptionist the number of Liz's room, Nick waited to hear her voice, and thought about what he may say.  
  
"Hello?" came a distinctively male voice, one that was most definitely *not* Liz's.  
  
Damn, Nick thought. Kevin.  
  
Now, Nick had absolutely no problem with the guy......but Kevin, apparently, didn't feel quite as charitable. Which Nick completely understood.....whether or not that was a good thing, however.....  
  
"Erm, hi.....this is Nick. Nick Boyle. Liz called here --"  
  
"Oh, yeah....here, I'll put her on."  
  
What, Nick asked himself. No warnings, no remarks. Was this the same guy he'd spoken to the other day?  
  
He heard a moment of silence, which was broken by some whispering and the rustling of bed linen. And finally, he heard Liz's voice.  
  
"Nick?"  
  
As with that first day at the hospital, Nick felt a smile break out over his face. "Hey, Liz."  
  
"Hi...." There was a pause. "How are you?....I mean....I remember what happened, kind of. I remember that *thing,* and that you saved my life, and I think you risked your own life to do it.. Thank you."  
  
"It's okay.....to be kinda honest, it's what I do."  
  
Liz gave a little laugh. "I figured that you wouldn't have been able to give up the action adventure lifestyle when you left the S.E.A.L.'s......you're too much of an adrenaline junky."  
  
Nick's smile grew a little.....once more, she had him pegged.  
  
When she spoke again, her voice was low. "Nick, I....I didn't dream it....did I? I mean..... that boy --"  
  
"No Liz," he assured her. "You didn't dream it."  
  
She gave a tremulous sigh. "And you deal with this stuff *regularly?*"  
  
It was Nick's turn to pause......despite what she had gone through, he couldn't tell her about the Legacy. It was bad enough that she knew things like what she had experienced existed, she didn't need to discover everything else that what out there. "I, er...yes. I do."  
  
The silence stretched on for a moment. "You can't talk about it, can you?"  
  
"No....not really."  
  
"Okay," she said. "To be honest, I'm not even sure I want to know. But I do know, that, if this stuff is going on out there.....I'm glad that you're somewhere, helping to stop it."  
  
Nick felt a warmth in his chest at the statement. "Thank you," he said sincerely.  
  
She laughed a little again, then whispered something to someone at her end of the line, presumably Kevin, Nick thought. There was more shuffling, then a small bang.  
  
"Liz?"  
  
"It's okay," she assured him. "I just asked Kevin to give us a second in private."  
  
"Oh," was all Nick said.  
  
"Yeah.....we never really got the chance to talk the other day, and as much I don't want to have this particular conversation over the phone, it might not be such a good idea for you to come here."  
  
"Kevin," he guessed.  
  
"Yeah....I mean, he understands about us......and he doesn't hate you or anything, on the contrary, I think he quite likes you."  
  
Nick laughed now. "Right."  
  
"Anyway.....I just.....think it will work better if we talk like this."  
  
"Okay," he agreed. "So....."  
  
"So......look, Nick, I just wanted to say......that I'm not sorry we were ever together....but I'm not sorry we broke up, either. We could have done it better, but.....I'm really happy with Kevin. I love him."  
  
Listening to the honest emotion in her voice when she talked about her fiancee, Nick gave a soft smile. "I know, me too. And I'm glad you found him....like I said at the hospital, I think he seems like a good guy."  
  
"I -- that means a lot to me.....thank you. I know that....you don't like getting so personal, but....hasn't there been anyone like that for you?"  
  
Knowing where she was headed, Nick found himself falling back on humour. "What, true love with a guy called Kevin?"  
  
"Nick!" she giggled. "Be serious."  
  
Well, he owed her that. "Yes," he replied. "There was." A beautiful dark haired image flashed through his mind, and Nick smiled. "There was. Her name was Julia."  
  
"Oh, really? Wait, what do you mean, 'was'?"  
  
Another image flashed through Nick's mind, this one with none of the happiness he associated with the other. It was of that same, laughing, blue eyed beauty.....dead. Murdered by a monster.  
  
"She, er.....she's dead. She......died a little while ago, now."  
  
"Oh, Nick....Nick, I'm so sorry."  
  
Liz sounded on the verge of tears, in empathy Nick knew, and he hurried to reassure her. "It's okay, you couldn't have known."  
  
"But....Nick, I'm sorry. I wish....I wish I could've gotten to know her. I mean....she's gotta be pretty special if she breached those imfamous Nick Boyle walls."  
  
Nick found a smile from somewhere. "Yeah, I -- I wish you could've known her, too. You'd have liked her, I think." They'd probably have teased him horribly, trading stories about him.  
  
"What was she like?"  
  
Nick closed his eyes, once more conjuring up a picture of Julia. "She was....beautiful. Long, dark hair.....and these blue eyes, that always looked like they were laughin' at something. And inside, she was....well, she was beautiful there, too."  
  
"She sounds like a wonderful woman."  
  
"She was."  
  
There was more silence, before Liz spoke again. "Nick, I....I would still like to be friends, you know. After the break up I wasn't sure, but --"  
  
"I know, Liz. And I'm sorry for the way I treated you.....and the way things worked out. I'd like to be friends, too. As long as your fiancee doesn't mind."  
  
"He won't," she said firmly.  
  
"Okay.....and hey, I'd better get an invite to this wedding of yours."  
  
"Of course......but you do know that you won't be able to wear jeans and a motorcycle jacket to it, right?"  
  
He grinned. "Hey, I have a suit....and I look pretty damn good in it, too."  
  
"I remember......and I can't wait to see you in it. You'll probably have my old aunt Agnes doing cartwheels and drooling."  
  
Nick smiled gently. "Hey, when is it, anyway?"  
  
"Oh, we haven't set a date, yet. But.....after this, I wanna get married as soon as possible."  
  
"I can imagine," Nick said.  
  
Anything else that might have been said was cut off by a huge yawn, coming from Liz's end of the line. "Oh, I'm sorry, Nick. I just.....fighting dream demons while comatose can really take it out of you, you know?"  
  
"Yeah," he chuckled. "I know." He didn't tell her that he had spent the ride home that night sleeping off not only the drug Slade had give him, but his experience with 'The Hungry One.'  
  
"Anyway, I'll let you get some sleep. And hey, remember to mail my invite, okay?"  
  
"Okay,"she laughed, before turning serious. "See you, Nick."  
  
"Yeah.....bye."  
  
When he heard the disconnected tone, he replaced the receiver. Well, he thought. I've just not only talked to my old girlfriend, but discussed Julia.....how's that for 'dealing,' Rach?  
  
As if conjured by his thoughts, there was a knock at the door, as it opened a crack and admitted Rachel.  
  
"Hey," she greeted. "Just....wanted to see how you were."  
  
He smiled at her, genuinely pleased that she was concerned for him, even if it annoyed him that she usually took it a bit *too* far. "I'm good, Rach.' So is Liz.....she's just a bit tired is all."  
  
The corners of Rachel's mouth turned up in pleasure -- whether from the knowledge that Liz was okay, or from knowing that Nick had actually called her, he couldn't tell.  
  
"Good, that's....that's good."  
  
Nick nodded with her. "So, was there anything else?"  
  
He watched as she gathered her nerves, trying to decide whether or not it was worth risking asking him how he was. So he beat her to it. "I'm okay, Rachel."  
  
She looked up, startled. "Oh....well, that's good too." She stood there a minute, studying him. "But you know, if you ever need to talk...."  
  
"I'll know where to come," he finished for her. Though he doubted the likelihood of that ever happening, he did admit that he felt a little pleased at the sight of the bright smile she gave him for his answer to her offer.  
  
"So," he changed the subject. "How's Kat?"  
  
And as Rachel began to tell him all about her little girl's latest 'adventure,' Nick found himself listening with a light heart.......he'd finally said what he meant.....and he now felt better than he had in a long time.  
  
*****  
  
The End. The End. 


End file.
